Let me begin this post by saying that this is all speculation. I am not sure of my opinions of this, I just know what I’ve experienced. That said, let us continue.

I was told by my discipleship leader (like a second mother/grandma to me) that girls cannot be friends with guys. I was also told by one of my gal friends (we’ve been best friends since age eleven) about a year ago that I had to have guys as friends to be normal and healthy.

I tend to now lean toward what my discipleship leader told me. I did try to have guys as friends. Upon returning from graduation at Western Washington University, I began to get settled in a church south of where I lived. I wanted a fresh start, and thought that church would be a good place for that. It had an active youth group and young adult group, and I enjoyed the sense of community. It also had a lot of guys.

Enter: Drama.

The long and short of it was that I tried to be friends with half a dozen or so guys, felt stuck in the middle of a bunch of drama between them, and decided to ‘unfriend’ all of them (on facebook, and in real life). I was not overly impressed by how they treated me or handled their friendship with me. Or how they handled my friendship with the other guys.

So, I am inclined to think that being friends with guys my age isn’t possible. Or if it is, I haven’t found the magic way of living it yet.

But at the same time, I do have a handful of guys that are ‘friends.’ These, I call ‘my little brothers.’ We go backpacking together (our families are all very close) nearly every summer, and every time I am reminded just how blessed I am to be friends with them. There’s no drama, just a lot of goofing off and feeling like ‘one of the guys.’

Soccer at my church down south was the same. As usual, I was the only (or one of the only) girls on the team and felt at home and like my usual tomboy self. I could goof off with the guys, banter with them (including throwing back and forth some very lively and lighthearted insults), best them in soccer, and feel like one of them. Not that that changed the fact that I was a lady. On the contrary. When I took a nasty tumble, the guys were instantly all concern for the girl they’d dubbed ‘the warrior.’ But neither was there the looming problem of possible drama. I felt utterly free from it, and thus, had a good time.

These are the only really good relationships I’ve had with guys. Whether or not it is possible to be ‘friends’ with them is another matter. All I know is that I’m never getting into a ‘best friend’ relationship with a guy again. If he wants that sort of emotional intimacy from me, I figure he should pay the price and date me.