I want to be more than a temporary solution–a band aid on a gushing wound. I’m not a doctor, I’m just a girl. I’m here to be cherished, and to be a helper. I’m not here to be God.
I want to be more than a creature to use. I’m not what they project. I don’t have flawless skin, and perfect hair, and a perfect body, and perfectly styled outfitting. I’m real and I’m human. And I won’t fill that void.
I want to be worth the weight of your words. You want to marry me? Great. It’s scarcely a month later, and we’re done. What changed your mind? Were you just infatuated with me? I made you feel good. Did you think having a wife would fix all your problems?
I want to be able to trust and believe. You told me so many things: That you’d always be there for me, that I was beautiful, that you were lucky to have me, that you loved our relationship, that you loved me. Was I so worthless to you that you’d keep a game and another girl’s friendship and be done with me? You knew how badly I’d been hurt by other guys before. Why did you choose to follow in their footsteps? Did you want a girl begging for you as you’d begged other girls before me? Did I make you feel better?
I want my prince. I want my prince to come to me. Oh God, please.
I want a man who loves me and treats me lovingly. I want to be valued enough to be allowed to make my own decisions. I wanted to be treated lovingly, even when in disagreements. I never want to feel afraid. You are not my master, you are not my master.
I want a man who loves everything about me. Yes, I’m chaste. Yes, I’m beautiful. Yes, I have an attractive character. No, my dreaming of faeries is not a sign of immaturity. My casual dress doesn’t mean I’m a slob. My clutter doesn’t mean I’m a mess in my head. No, I’m not going to ask that other gal for tips on how to do my nails. No, I don’t want to be close friends with her.
I want a man who makes my life meaningful. I want to know that he’ll stick with me through thick and thin. I want to know that I can trust what he says. I want him to be the one who sets the high standards–not the one who talks me into lowering mine. I want him to draw me closer to God.
I don’t want a man who demeans me. My introverted ways are just fine. It’s okay to enjoy being a shadow in the room. Don’t laugh at how I worship God. It’s fine to be joyful and outgoing. Don’t join with her in rolling your eyes at me. How I dress is just fine. It’s a sign of confidence to let my hair be a bit wild, and to not wear makeup. I like who I am and how I look, and that’s okay. Don’t treat me like some lowly specimen. I’m not beneath you.
I don’t want a man who is forceful and controlling. Don’t you see? That’s why I drove away. I can’t be forced into your way of thinking. I’m not being fussy. I’m being genuine, and I wanted you to listen to me and act. Don’t try to control my life.
Maybe you’ll meet that perfect girl someday. She’ll praise you for how often you are right. She’ll look like a dream and satisfy you completely. She won’t ever disagree with you. She won’t be fussy. She won’t be a stickler for her standards. She’ll want you to have other important women in your life, besides her.
I want my prince to come. Oh God, I want my prince to come.