How do relationships ever last? My mom keeps reminding me that she and Dad have lasted, and that I know several other married couples (mostly parents of my close gal friends) who have lasted. But still.
She and Dad met later in life. My dad owned a commercial fishing boat called the Gail, and he fished the waters off of Oregon. Mom needed a job, and she liked adventurous jobs, so sure.
They fell in love. Mhm. Dad calls Mom his ‘mermaid.’ With her long, dark hair and eyes like the sea, I believe it. They got married. While on shore, Mom became a Christian, called Dad over the radio, and then shortly after that Dad became a Christian. A few years later they had me. And a few years after that, they had my brother.
And they’ve lasted. I’ve never been afraid that they wouldn’t. But I’m afraid that I won’t last. Not that I’ll give up, because that’s not in my nature, but that a guy will give up on me. They usually do. I’m not a mermaid to them. I’m just something to use and feed off of.
Mom cried after the last one. And, strangely enough, I didn’t cry. At least not then. I patted her socked foot because it was close to me, and I told her I’d be okay. “You’re such a neat kid,” she said. Yes. I know. “I really thought he’d be the one.” I know. I did too. Yes, I laughed. I felt full of life. I was happy. Except for those moments, here and there when the curtain slipped and I wasn’t sure what I was seeing.
I daydream once in a while. You know: The things that don’t matter a ton, but if you could write him into being, he’d be like that. I have a note on my phone about that faerie prince. He’s got dark hair. Blue eyes like deep pools. Hmm. Probably a horse. I like the idea of that. We could go wandering in the outdoors nearly all the time. He’s mature. Things like that. But that’s just outside stuff. I don’t really care about most of that. I like guys from the inside out. That’s just my way, because that’s how I see people.
But mostly, I just want him to last. I want him to love me for me. I want to be able to work through difficulties with him. I want his love for me to never fade. I want him to love Jesus so much that that love overflows into me, and our relationship. I want him to be a good provider, like my dad. I want him to look at me like my dad looks at my mom. I want to feel valued and loved.
I hope it’s like my mom says: The right one will last.