“You weren’t pretty enough.”
“You weren’t smart enough.”
“You weren’t good enough.”
“You couldn’t fit on a magazine.”
“You would never be fashionable enough.”
“You wouldn’t wear that tiny swimsuit.”
“You wouldn’t do as you were told.”
All lies. Know what I woke up to? What my waking thought was? “You are a failure.”
Oh boy. What a start to the day.
I ended my day with all of the above. Every single one of those stinkin’ lies.
Everything in between that was wonderful. I read a book, got a tan, took a long walk to exercise, planned a dance event, got some random projects done, and worked some more on a knitting project.
I hate ending my day with all those words though. It makes me want to just curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep. But then there’s Jesus. He’s my guy. He’s my boyfriend. He’s my lover. He’s my rescuer. He’s the one who whispers to me how beautiful I am, and how real I am. He proved our relationship was real 2,000 years before I was born. He freakin’ DIED for me.
Those other words are lies, and I know it. I started out my day (after waking up) with getting into His Word and journaling to Him like I usually do. I told Him how I felt, and asked Him to bless my day. I pray for His protection a lot. Living with depression honestly sucks.
Depression is the cloud that wants to take over my life. And Jesus is the One always there to save me. He’s the One who tells me how precious I am to Him, that He loves everything about me, that He loves exactly who I am.
Jesus, let me feel Your love this night. You are the One who wraps Your Arms around me and holds me the whole night through. It’s You and me, Jesus. Just You and me.