A rush of ice, and then nothing. I’m sure I’ll feel it later. It’ll probably take some time—time to unwork everything that’s been said, everything I’ve heard, everything I treasured. But I’ve been through this process many times before.
It doesn’t change the fact that I’m precious to God, and that He’s got someone special out there for me. He promised that to Dad in Israel. I just haven’t met the guy yet.
It’s like Mom said. “Either you’re a princess to the guy, and he treats you like the gem of his life, or he’s not the right one for you.”
I’ve walked away from multiple guys before. They’re always the ones who make the break, not me. I guess something inside of me never checks out ‘right’ in their book. ‘Too much this,’ ‘Too much that,’ ‘Not willing to bend to me.’
I guess that’s the bit that gets to me the worst: Not bending to them. I can tolerate many things, but not that. That’s the point where I walk away, I guess. I’m like the wind, like the sea, like the air. I cannot be controlled.