The past is the past, but I don’t think it’s meant to be forgotten or left out of your life. My past makes up who I am. My past affects my present, and gives me insight for the future. My past has changed me. I’m not the same person I was as a little girl. Now, I am a grown woman with a lot more wisdom than I had as a kid.
I’ve always been a go-getter, sweet-spirited, truthful and blunt, and very open and talkative. And I’m still all of those things. However, I’ve changed a lot over the years. I’m still a go-getter, but I’m more cautious now. I’ve seen a lot of human nature over the past five or so years, and I can read people better now. I’m still as sweet-spirited as ever, but I’m also more firm in not letting people control or manipulate my sweet-spirit. If anything, I’m even more blunt than I was when I was younger. And that is a good thing. I’m still incredibly open, but I’m more careful about who I am open with.
I’ve changed as a person as well. I’ve had to stand up for myself the last few years more than I should have: against professors, guys in my life, church “leaders,” coworkers, gal “friends” of mine, etc. All those past experiences have changed me. Nowadays, I’m less likely to take guff from people. I’m quicker to see manipulative or bullying people. I’m quicker to see people who want/need control.
All those experiences in my life have impacted me emotionally. But, I haven’t let them turn me rotten. If anything, I have keener insight into social situations, more strength for the difficulties of life, and coping strategies that help me stay emotionally healthy during rough times. Without my past, I would not be the woman I am now. Without my past, I would not have the tools God has given me to bless people in my future. I know more about life and people than I did when I was young.
My past is a blessing, though it thoroughly sucked at the time, and still sucks sometimes.
Our past is not meant to be forgotten or ignored. It can’t just be wished away. For those of you with pasts you’d rather forget, don’t forget. Heal from your past, give your past to God, but don’t view yourself as a messed up person. You’re not. Believe me, I know. My heart has been through WAY too much, but I’m still alive and thriving, loving and living. Don’t view your heart as damaged. View your heart as strengthened, with scars that are precious to God.
And never think you won’t be loved because of your past, whatever it is. I’ve been friends with people who have been through, and lived through, some awful things, and God gave me a heart for them. I loved them. Know that the people who choose not to love you are idiots. Know that you are a beautiful, precious, talented, gifted, beloved sinner who is loved unconditionally by God. God’s loved cannot be earned, it is given freely. He knows you inside and out. He knows the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. And He loves you. He LOVES you. And He has forgiven you.
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“Following Your Feet, A Young Woman’s Journey”
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