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The right guy has to choose you, as well as you choosing him.

Now, there is such a thing as guys leading girls on, and girls leading guys on. And, unless you get up the nerve to ask the other person whether or not they’re actually interested and sincere, you have very little choice than to be led on and then heartbroken later on. I’ve seen that more often than I would like in our “Christian” culture. It’s a selfish, horrible, hurtful thing. To many people, it’s a game. To others, they see it so often in the worldly, secular culture that they think it’s healthy and normal. It’s not. Let me repeat that: it’s not healthy, and it most certainly is not normal.

But, I digress.

Dating is a choice as well. You choose who you will date. You choose how long you will date them. You choose how you treat them. You choose how you will speak to them. I’ve had guys reject me (aka: “break up”) after dating me for a time. It was painful, but I think the thing that bugged me the most was how they chose to treat me while they dated me. Dating is handy in that you get to know that person in ways you never could as a “friend.” If you pay close enough attention, you get to see to the core of the person–who they really are. Who they are comes out in how they treat you. That’s how you can know the good from the bad.

Their words, and yours, are choices as well. The young men who have dated me chose what they said to me. They told me how much they loved me. They spoke of the future with me. They proclaimed everlasting love. And then…

they broke up with me, smiles and pity on their faces. Sometimes I wonder if they even felt conviction about how they’d treated me. And then I come to the conclusion that such a thing is doubtful. They were pretty wrapped up in themselves and talking themselves into whatever they wanted to believe. Sometimes I want to give up on ever meeting that “one.”

Rejection is a choice as well. Ultimately, those guys ended up rejecting me. Those guys are not my future husband that God has for me. God closes doors as He wills, and I trust Him, even if that closed door hurts a lot. I know that if I’d walked through that door, down that road, into a commitment greater than dating, it would have been pretty nasty. God is my rescuer, and He’s got His Hand on me. I have to trust that.

As the Bible says in Proverbs 16:9: “The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps” (New American Standard Bible).

The man who will be my future husband will not try to control me. He will be Christlike. He will be someone who chooses to not put me beneath his feet. He will not elbow me in church, or glance over at me meaningfully, when he thinks something in the sermon applies to me (not him, of course). He will not be arrogant. He will not treat me wrongly physically. His Christianity will be sincere, and his walk with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior will be sincere, and how he treats me will be how Jesus would treat me. That is what my future husband will be like.

Lord, direct my steps. Lord, have Your way in me.


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Following Your Feet