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People need intimacy. They need to be known and loved. The problem is, a lot of guys find porn to be an easy substitute for real, godly intimacy.

I know for me, I wanted a husband most when I was off at university. I had been through a couple of hurtful relationships, was helping some friends through some relationships where they’d been hurt, and was currently dealing with being heavily bullied on campus. I was lonely, I was hurting, and I wanted to be have a husband to be with. I just wanted a guy to ride in on a white horse and sweep me off to his beautiful castle where I’d be loved and cared for.

The desire to be loved, cared for, accepted, and known is real. It is a desire that God has placed in all our hearts. It is a godly longing, but it can be falsely “satisfied” in unhealthy and evil ways.

I’m not a guy, so I don’t know what it’s like for them. I have read several Christian articles though (“Focus on the Family” is an absolute great resource if you have questions on this topic). I know that porn is a chemical addiction of the body. I know it’s a fake substitute for the healthy intimacy God created us for. And I know how destructive it is to the person addicted to it, and those around them.

There’s a lot of things that porn promises: love, fulfillment, ease of loneliness, etc. What it doesn’t tell you is that it will desensitize you. It will fill you with shame. You will know it’s wrong, but you will feel bound up in it. You will want to stop, but won’t know how. You will be filled with so much shame and self-hatred that you will not want to seek out loving help. Or perhaps you’ve sought out help, but you’ve felt judged, so you flee even deeper into the darkness.

Here’s a word of hope: You ARE loved! You might not be able to see it, but you are beyond precious. You are made in the image of God. Jesus DIED for you. He understands the magnitude of your sin, and He’s forgiven you utterly for it. You have to delve deeply into His love. And don’t buy into self-hatred. That’s a lie of the devil. Have the courage to seek out help (someone of the same gender as you, and someone godly whom you know you can trust). And if that person judges you, forgive them, and find someone who can lovingly counsel you.

Provide yourself with accountability. Is there a certain place you tend to fall into that sin? Is there a certain time of day or night when you fall into it? Make the necessary changes in your life to actively root out the sin. If you have a computer in your room, ask a family member to keep it for a while. If you have access to certain computers, set up safeguard programs on them to provide you with accountability.

But ultimately, the battle will be won on spiritual grounds, I think. So, pray and have others pray for you. You need prayer warriors and loving support from strong Christians around you. Be wise about who you have as your support team as well. This is just personal opinion: but if you are dating someone, it seems wise to me to be honest about what you are dealing with, and then take some time for separation from them for you to heal. And allow them time to heal. Your sin does not just affect you, it affects those around you. You have to realize that.

I hope that is a word of hope for you if you’re struggling with porn. Have courage. Don’t let your sin define you. And look to God. He loves you beyond measure.


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Following Your Feet