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The Mirror Wars

My suitemate was a leader in the campus Christian group off at university. Every time I went to a Bible study with her, I came away feeling horrible about myself. It was rotten. I remember one time though: it was snowing, and God told me those were His God kisses for me, and I felt better.

She also was convinced it was her duty to suck me into all the CCF stuff going on, which I didn’t care a lick about. I had a church I went to (a wonderful place, and much needed. I went every Sunday. Good teaching and good worship and sweet and wonderful people). I didn’t need CCF. I didn’t even like CCF much. Honestly, they seemed fairly worldly.

I guess I should be thankful I had “Christians” as suitemates. My suitemates the first year were great, but part way through the year two of them switched out (a bunch of drama. Sometimes I have a hard time fathoming why people find each other so hard to get along with).

I felt sorry for the first girl that was my suitemate. She was sobbing one time, and I came over and gave her a hug until she felt better. I don’t really know what was going on. I know she was sleeping with her boyfriend though. That sort of thing isn’t healthy. She was a sweet girl though. I hope God finds her.

I guess I should have felt thankful for the “Christian” suitemates. They didn’t have guys over. Well, except when L. got a boyfriend. She had him over a lot then. Once, he came over to our room to help my roommate with her math homework. That was literally the only time we had a guy in our room that wasn’t family. I wouldn’t even let our male RA come into our room. I insisted that we have our meetings in our suitemates’ room. I didn’t want him to think he could just waltz in whenever he wanted to. I didn’t want ANY guy to think that.

I guess I should have felt thankful for my suitemates. But I didn’t. They were always insulting people (each other, or others). They didn’t like our custodian. I loved him. He was a sweet, middle aged man who didn’t speak very good English. But he loved to talk, and he always did such a good job cleaning out our bathroom, despite all the girly paraphernalia everywhere. But my suitemates were always finding faults with him, and complaining about this or that. They were so petty.

I guess I should have felt thankful for them, but I didn’t. L. was always coming over, trying to organize my life and pressure me into joining CCF stuff. She made me feel like a bad Christian for not “serving.” To heck with serving! I served in my classes, shining a light in dark places. I served my friends—back home, and the ones I valued on campus (like my wonderful roommate and some of my awesome country dance gal friends). THAT was my service. You don’t have to find some “ministry” to serve. The notion is ridiculous.

I didn’t feel thankful for them. I got sick of their drama. I went on my midnight walks a lot that quarter, just to get away from them. Once, I even considered sleeping in my truck for the night, even though it was close to freezing out, despite the warm woolen blanket I had.

I got sick of their drama. “I have a boyfriend,” L. told me. “I tell him to dance with other girls though,” she told me. I didn’t care a lick about her stupid boyfriend. It was HER problem she hated I was so fun-loving at dance classes, and that the boys enjoyed chatting with me. I got the message in her words though, and I said nothing. I just left—taking a long walk in the rain before my class, and venting to my roommate (gosh. She was so patient with me).

I got sick of feeling like she could find faults with me. Once, I think she thought I had been out late with a guy, sleeping around. Boy, was I mad. And hurt. But mostly mad.

I’m afraid that’s what started what I like to call “The Mirror Wars” (the only drama I actually got caught up in, I think).

My roommate knew I was hopping mad. As usual, her sweet demeanor helped calm me—but not quite enough. I borrowed the “community dry erase” and wiped out the words on the mirror about babies after I got back from being out late (helping a gal friend who was struggling with suicidal thoughts, I might add. I WAS NOT OUT MEETING UP WITH SOME GUY AND SLEEPING WITH HIM. Why do “Christians” so often like to assume the worst of me? It sucks, and I get so sick of it).

It was kind of a stupid thing to do—erasing the thing about babies. But I was mad. And I hate feeling like I can’t stand up for myself. Sometimes if you stand up for yourself, people back off. And sometimes it just makes things worse. Ya just never know.

Later, just because I love art, I drew beautiful designs all over the mirror, and Bible verses everywhere. My suitemate made a point of talking to me about that, if I remember correctly. And she wiped out a decent amount of the artwork. I gave up after that and took to just avoiding her—even avoiding speaking to her. She hid the pen eventually too. I guess it was only available when she wanted it to be available.

Some gals just don’t like me. Who knows why. I am of the very humble opinion, though, that it is because I am so confident.

Sometimes girls can be jerks.

But yeah, that was the Mirror Wars. And I will never have anything nice to say about any of those suitemates of mine. Nope, nope, nope. I’m guessing that is what public school high school is like. Ugh.