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The Young Man

 

My heart is drawn closer

And I want to trust

 

I want

to know that my heart

Is safe and protected—

By you

Valued by you

 

And that I need not fear

Your selfishness

 

But I was right to fear

—I should have trusted my own

intuition—

Your selfishness

 

Just when I wanted to trust

I hit a barrier, cold wall

I remember pain

I remember when I trusted

 

But it was ill-timed

And ended in hurt

My heart hurt

If such a thing is possible

I cannot trust you

 

You were NEVER worthy

Of me, or even my friendship

 

And I often wonder

If I ended the friendship

Would I stop hurting inside?

 

You talk to me constantly

And that gives me hope

You say things

That make my heart jump—

And you know it, don’t you?

You selfish man!

No excuses!

Eighteen is old enough

Old enough to know better

 

I knew better

I will hold you accountable

For your actions

I will not let you have excuses

I will not lower my standards

Of how I deserve to be treated

As a woman of God

Your sister in Christ!

Do the right thing

 

 

So, do you like me?

 

Or do you simply enjoy my friendship?

I will not be used by you

I will not allow you to use my heart

Or my friendship

 

My friendship is precious and costly

And you do not want to pay

For the right to my heart

For the pleasure of my friendship

For believe me, I know

My friendship is pleasurable

 

I am wary of you

So wary

 

Because if it’s “just friendship”

One of these days

I will end up

With a broken heart

 

I know this

But do you?

You certainly don’t care

I’ve found that out

Over and over

 

I wish the hurt

Would go away

But I’m going to stay silent

Because I’m not

Going through that again—

Those words you spoke to me

 

Hurting me

When I tried to communicate my feelings

And why I was feeling

The way I was

 

Now, years later

I still hate “communicating”

With guys

 

That was your doing

Don’t flatter yourself

That you were a good friend

To me

 

You don’t care if my heart gets hurt

You just want what you want

 

A “lifeline”?!

You are a fool

How dare you say such a thing!

Leave me alone

As you promised to do

Breaker of promises

I name you

You are not worthy of my trust

Get out of my life

AND STAY THERE

 

 

 

I will not have my haven

My church, MY home

Intruded upon

My church was never your home—

You intruder

Overstepper of boundaries

Hurter of my heart

 

“Golden boy” they call you—

My friends

Not yours

Get out of my life

 

Golden boy, you are

So “amazing”

they all think you

 

I laugh

They never knew what I did

They never saw that selfish

Side of you

 

 

 

I was a fool

And spoke as a fool

 

Please—

Just grow up

You selfish

Ungodly man

I’m DONE with you


 

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