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It seems all the popular Christian dating books say that, in order to be godly, we girls must let the guy lead.

Here’s the problem: Guys have sin natures and MANY are INCREDIBLY SELFISH. I cannot name the number of times I’ve heard from girls (and personally experienced) the following: “He led me on and hurt my heart.”

Christian writers are advocating for a dictatorship. And out of that dictatorship, the woman is powerless and at the mercy of the man. One of the worst spiritual attacks I came under was on this score. I felt I’d screwed up horrifically and that God hated me because I’d been honest with a guy about my feelings and asked him about a relationship. The demons used that to torment me for years. I was so very scared. And I felt I’d utterly screwed up (there’s a lot more to that story too. That guy wasn’t kind verbally and emotionally).

Let me ask you: Why did the Founding Fathers set up “checks and balances” in our government? Because they knew we have a sin nature, and they’d already seen that absolute power corrupts. This, I believe, utterly applies to relationships. We need checks and balances. Women need the freedom to know it’s okay to call a guy out on stuff. They need to know they can be honest, and hold guys to a high standard. They need to know it’s okay to say to a guy: “I want to date.” And then? They will have the opportunity to see what the guy’s reaction is. We women don’t “come free.” And neither do our hearts. Like I told one guy: “My friendship costs something. If you want the old friendship back, you are welcome to date me.”

So, women: Don’t get caught under the lies I got stuck under of “I’m sinning if I don’t let a guy lead.” I’ve saved myself a shortening of heartache many times by ASKING a guy his intentions. I call this “forcing their hand.” It’s true. That’s exactly what I did–twice, specifically, that I can think of. If a guy shies away from commitment, then ask yourself how much you’re really worth to him. Too many guys feed off women like sick leaches (and I know women do this to guys too. I’m not placing this blame strictly on guys. I have a brother, and I’ve heard stories).

God help me, I even proposed marriage to a guy once, just to see his reaction. He seemed to think I was crazy. But I wasn’t. My end goal of dating relationships is potential for marriage. If a guy wants me, my emotions, and my body without commitment, then we’ve got a problem. My body will only belong to my husband, and that’s that. I will only invest my emotions if a guy is honoring me, being trustworthy, and is truly following God. If a guy wants a girl “to have fun with” emotionally, he can go find someone else. A man who uses one woman after another emotionally, but without commitment just because he can’t handle being alone–a man like that has issues.

A last note on relationships (once you’re dating):

I’ve had a few dating relationships, and a few pseudo dating relationships. I always pushed them to the point of breaking it off when I was seeing that #1 They were verbally treating me like trash. #2 Had other women in their life. #3 Were dishonoring me in their actions. Etc. If a man is not treating you like the daughter of God you are, then don’t continue to date him, and don’t marry him. Who wants a husband like that?