I’ve been to enough trainings, and heard enough stories. I know.

I told my friend that it was like you had this gift, and it was all torn now, to give. And her eyes were distant and sad, and I didn’t know why. I just knew she needed someone to talk to.

I read a Christian book that said to only fall for one person once, and that was the way of things. Another told me I’d have no husband if I had a past of liking more than one guy. I believed for years my nonfiction writings were a curse to humanity, and I’d never be married because of them. Do you know how many movies there are about women writers whose man rejects them for their writing? A lot. There are A LOT.

Each new thing that happens seems to enforce this lie. You hear a man say, “I don’t want a woman whose been with a guy.” You remember your friend group from years past. Out of the three of you women, only you had been a virgin, and it was a wretched feeling. And then? A pastor’s son of a distant church uses “woman” and “slut” in the same sentence, and you feel dirty and shamed by the look in his eyes. And the woman he called this name? He’d friended her then told her “God told me not to date you.” I don’t want to be him when he has to stand before God. I was his next interest, and his savior. His obsession until something new and shiny came along. This is not how us Christians should live. There’s a moment where a man is ugly from the inside out, and you drive away from his church and never return. Worship. All too common. “I’m done, and thank God his true colors came out. I walk my own path again.”

And then there is the humble one, with a servant’s heart and gentleness. He’s a young King David in a world of Sauls. He is the only one like that, and believe me, I should know. I’ve walked the world over, very unimpressed. Human, but noble and selfless. Few would ever lay down their life for another. Safety and peace, though ghosts are not all fled. A gem among rocks.