Can we just pretend we’re kids, and we live in Eden, and everything is right in the world?
You really don’t remind me of the world. I’ve been out in the world a lot, and you’re different. There’s a lot of depth, and selflessness, even though you are incredibly human. I still think you’re brave, and I love that you’re honest. And you’re sensitive to the Holy Spirit. You have no idea how rare that is. I kind of feel like: “I’ve found a jewel. Ha! MY jewel.” Sorry if that annoys you.
Do you think we’ll be able to hold a normal conversation sometime? I feel like I know your character really well, but I know next to nothing about you as a person (you do have to admit you’re very quiet. I’m the chatty one. You probably know just about everything about me).
I feel like we’re finally able to start getting to know each other normally, since we got all that social nonsense out of the way. That in and of itself might give you an idea how smitten I am with you, because I hate, hate, hate navigating drama like that (my worst nightmare. Literally). I did that for you. You have no idea how much I hate drama.
You do have the title of “guy friend” (I don’t know what else to call it right now). So, feel free to take on that role. I’ll try to support you, though I think there needs to be a balance because I want the friendships in my life respected (within reason. I’ll try to be sensitive).
I feel like this is completely new territory. For me, I’m working off every bad experience I’ve had, and trying not to do any of those things. Like I said, I sort of know everything that hurts. So, all things considered, I’m a pretty good person to hold a heart.
I’m interested to see how our personalities are going to play off each other. I feel like I got a bit of a taste of it when we last talked. It’s an interesting dynamic. I feel like I don’t know you very well, even though I know your character. I guess we’ll just figure this out as we go along. We’ve done a pretty darn good job so far, I think. Do I make you smitten? I hope I do. One of these days (not yet), I want you to write me up a list of good things you’ve noticed about me (it helps, for the sake of encouragement).
The thing I’m leery about, relationally, is anything physical. I think I’ve decided the best thing is to err on the side of caution, and to give you space to heal. Nothing I can do will help in the arena, I think. I’m still trying to listen to God on that one. We’ll figure it out. You’ll have to earn my trust there too. Honestly? I have a LOT of trust issues in that area of my life. I don’t with a lot of my other guy friends, but that’s because we’ve been friends since we were little. I’m afraid you’re going to have to start out from scratch, since we’ve met as adults and haven’t grown up together.
Did you know I like you? I like watching you talk with other people too. You talk with your hands a lot, like a public speaker, though it’s also casual (like a conversation). I wonder what sorts of things you notice about me?
I’m really thankful we’re both tuned-in, and introverted. That’s a blessing. You’re a bit like me, I think, in that you read people pretty well (which makes me a bit nervous too, but I’ll live). I think I might have the gift of discernment. Not sure. I do read people really well though, and am usually fairly spot-on. I think part of it is also just being the age I am and having seen a lot of patterns in people. I think I sort of study human nature.
This has been an interesting process. It’s made us learn how to work together though, and reach out to each other, so that’s helped. I’ve pursued your heart, and you’ve pursued mine. You’ve done sweet things for me, and I’ve done sweet things for you.
Sometimes there’s this weird thing though, with life experience and age. It throws me off balance once in a while. Sometimes I feel older, and often you seem much older than me, and then that will reverse. I guess I just really like that you’re so straightforward. It’s refreshing, and caught my attention.
I’m curious what you’ll think of me on my really bad days. You already caught me on one. I felt like a mess, because I’d been crying off and on all day. I try not to cry in front of people though. I don’t even know why. A few people I’ll cry in front of. I guess I tend to try to hide emotion.
Sometimes I wonder what you think of me, because of the amount of hard things I’ve been through. I think they were there for a purpose though. They did lead me close to your heart, and I am so thankful for that. This might be easier if I hadn’t walked such a broken path; but then again, I feel like it was just training ground for the future.
You know that verse in Songs that talks about the winter and summer winds blowing on the garden? Right now I feel like it is just the winter wind. I hate winter winds. Summer really was summer though. That was a great summer. Did you start to fall for me over the summer? I’m usually in my element in the summer, what with VBS and backpacking trips and being outdoors a lot.
Maybe you’ll make me into a more gentle person. I’m a lot calmer when I’m around you. I think it’s because I feel safe (unless there are ghosts, which aren’t you). It’s easier for a girl to feel feminine and gentle if she knows she’s safe. I tend to be more tough when I’m on the defensive. Believe me, this world likes to try to destroy women. I think the world tries to destroy men too, but usually in different ways.
Thanks for being there for me, at the play. This time of year is always hard for me. A lot of layers of hurt. You, and my friends, helped me redeem it this year. Thank you.