I missed you at the dancing. I guess I was worried something was wrong. Was too proud to ask your parents where you were. I finally asked your sister at the end. I hope you had a good time and it blessed you. I wish you’d been there though. I did have fun though. I felt like a bit of a flirt, but I think it was because I wasn’t feeling great, because I didn’t know why you weren’t there. Hanging out with my church family always helps me though, and the dancing was fun. I wore a really beautiful outfit. And I wore my Polish amber necklace. Do you want to do work overseas? Do you feel like that’s the direction God is calling you? Sometimes I wonder. I want a life here, but I guess if that’s what you feel like God is saying, I could come with (if that’s okay to say. I don’t even know what’s normal to talk about). I’d be okay if I was with you. Actually, I think anything would be okay if you were there. I feel safe.
I had a hard time at one point at the dance. I guess I always thought my parents would watch out for me, when it came to guys. Turns out they let the worst things happen. They’ve given me the worst advice that parents can give a kid, pretty much. I never thought that would happen. I feel so broken right now. Just shattered and hurting. I guess I’m still mending. I don’t understand so much.
So. Was that you when I was driving into church? I wasn’t sure. It’s hard to tell sometimes. Sorry. It honestly is hard though. Will you try to help me out as much as possible? That would mean a lot.
Do you ever feel like the trauma makes it hard to stay in the present? I’m having a really hard time with that. Will you pray for me? I see my Calvary family, and how good life is, and then I think of the hellish stuff I’ve been through. And then I think of what I’ve been through with my family. And I think about how my brother isn’t in church. My guy friends are my brothers. I felt like a wreck at one point, and one of them cheered me up, and it made me wish he really was my brother. My brother just isn’t really there at all, you know? It was really good having my brothers in Christ there. It makes things better. I did talk with them for a long time, and I hope that’s okay. I hung out with a lot of my gal friends too, and that was nice.
Will you pray for my week? Sometimes I get stuck on the hard stuff, and that’s rough. I want to focus more on the good things.
I missed you. I bet you were super handsome all dressed up.
Will I see you on Wednesday?