What a day.
Work is absolutely great. I like these types of people much better. It’s a lot like the Chehalis crowd. AND… I get to wear jeans and a T-shirt instead of fancy stuff (I’m working in the basement. I was not hired for brains or administrative prowess, that’s for sure. I like the machines though. They’re easy to use. Can I become a mechanic later in life? That would be awesome).
The middle school night was great. It was like a whole bunch of leprechauns running around. Our pastor even changed the music at my request (I said I couldn’t stand accordion music, and that Irish fiddle is much better). The girls are… fun. One of them was having a contest to see how many hats she could put on my head after I knocked the previous hat off (there were tons laying around, for the “leaders” to wear. Kids got ’em though). Then a whole bunch of us had a dancing contest (which was mostly the “swing your partner round and round!” style). I did a few Jig heel clicks (which will I pay for tomorrow, because of the cement floor. Did I mention I’m going to a pub tomorrow to dance? Bagpipe band. Last year they wanted me to dance on the pool table. I said no). I also had one of the girls paint a shamrock on my cheek with her face paint (and then accidentally smeared it all over the back of my hand later. Oops).
Anyways. It was immensely fun. Oh. And one of the kids stole my green shawl. I looked literally everywhere for it, when I was ready to go home. Then I was like, “I wonder if one of the girls is hiding it…” Sure enough, one of the girls was the culprit. My word.
I did take a break part way through and took a walk around the church. Being back here is good, but I’m still working through a lot emotionally. Are you in the same boat? I think about you a lot. We’re really similar, in a lot of ways.
I’m still dealing with feeling worried you’ll up and leave, or call it quits, but I think we’re going to be good. Do you ever feel like this is sort of crazy? I feel like that sometimes. I’m like, “What on earth am I thinking?” And then I’m like, “Hush. You know exactly what you’re doing.”
Do you know the trees out front? They used to be so small. I’ve been going to this church for so many years. The kids used to be banned from the trees because they would hang off them, and the adults were worried they’d break. I used to play tag out on the grass where the add-on building is. Always barefoot. Rowena and I were the fastest (even faster than most of the boys). I taught her part of the Highland Fling out there too. I was always teaching her things. The other main thing was how to draw waterfalls. I don’t know why I remember that.
I think I’m going to be able to start letting you in emotionally and socially more. Now that life is more stable with money, I think I’ll feel a whole lot better. This job honestly is a good fit for me (and the money is just what I need right now). The invisible walls are hard though. Part of it has just been all the drama, and the social aspect of all this. Guys should respect “no.” Parents even more so. Parents are as bad as the guys themselves. You just feel like something on the menu after a while. It’s not a good feeling.
You are my happy thought. I can’t believe I’m here, honestly. I’ve been pretty content just doing normal stuff like serving in church, working on my writing, teaching dance, and trying to have a normal life. The scary part for me is all this. The rest? I can do. But telling stories and being emotionally honest is hard for me. A lot of guys have been jerks. It’s nice having some distance too, because I realize just how bad they were.
Oh. Also saw the mom of your last interest the other day. I was like (just in my own head), “Ha! I win.”
My word. You have no idea how exhausted I am. I need to try to sleep in tomorrow.
Continue to pray for me? I need my insomnia to go away.
I think I have a major crush on you. Did you know that?